


in the last moment (i wish i had the guts)

by playitagain



Series: Mayward Week 2020 [5]
Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26897878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playitagain/pseuds/playitagain
Summary: JJ and Pope spend their last boat ride together before Pope heads off to college.
Relationships: JJ/Pope (Outer Banks)
Series: Mayward Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956772
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	in the last moment (i wish i had the guts)

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Mayward Week 2020!
> 
> Day 5 - October 8th: Mayward + “What are you thinking about?” + pining

Pope is leaving. Pope is leaving and JJ can’t go with him. He can’t follow Pope to school. He can’t run to the other when he needs comfort. He can’t curl up next to him, pretend that they could be something more for only a moment. He can’t go find the comfort of Pope’s touch. 

He was going to miss Pope’s calming presence, always able to ground him and pull him back. He was going to miss the fingers running through his hair, the gentle voice that seemed to drift across the water. That voice could bring him back from the brink of a breakdown, from the voices in his head that echoed his father’s harsh words. 

He was going to miss the days out on the boat. The shifts at Heywards. The meals at The Wreck. Surfing at the beach, laughing when they took a particularly funny fall. Falling funny just to make the other laugh. 

JJ was basically going to miss everything about Pope. 

It is only solidified as he rests his head in Pope’s lap, those long fingers running through his blond locks. The position wasn’t unusual. JJ had needed comfort one day and just ended up laying his head in Pope’s lap while the other did his homework. It became pretty common after that. It was the fact that this was going to be the last time for a while before he was going to be able to do this, enjoy these quiet moments with Pope, enjoy the comfort this provided him. 

“ **What are you thinking about?”**

Pope’s voice pulls JJ from his musings, eyes shifting so he can catch Pope’s dark ones. He swears he sees something flash behind his eyes, but he doesn’t know what. He’s been trying to place it for a while now but just can’t figure it out. 

“Just that you're going to forget all about me at that big wig school of yours,” JJ smiles. He tries to keep his voice light and teasing, but he can hear the insecurity slip out because his biggest fear is that Pope will forget about him on this island. He’ll leave and never come back, forget JJ ever exists and start his new life without him. 

Pope seems to hear that little tilt to his voice, frown tugging down his lips as he brushes a stray strand of hair from JJ’s forehead. He blocks the sun as he leans over JJ, dark eyes reflecting the sincerity that JJ knows he will find in his words. 

“You know I’d never forget you,” Pope breaths, reassurance lacing his words and JJ can’t take his gaze away from Pope’s dark eyes. If he didn’t know better, he could swear those dark eyes flicker to his lips, but JJ is pretty sure he is just manifesting. “I could never forget you.” 

JJ can feel the words on the top of his tongue.  _ I love you.  _ He can’t get his mouth to form the words properly though. He can’t get them past his lips as he looks into those dark eyes because he knows he doesn’t deserve this beautiful human being. He knows he would only hold him back. 

“Yeah, yeah,” JJ brushes off, feels his throat close with the tears pricking his eyes. “You say that now.” He tries to make his voice sound teasing, but it cracks as he watches Pope, watches the emotions dance in his eyes, sunlight a halo around his head. 

“JJ.” Pope's voice is soft as his fingers brush over JJ’s cheek and he can’t help but lean into the touch. It’s warm and soft and everything he’s never had until Pope. 

They stay like that a moment, just watching each other and JJ thinks again that Pope is shifting, leaning down but he shakes that thought away, breaks the moment as he pushes himself into a sitting position. He wipes at the tear he hadn’t realized slide down his cheek. 

Pope looks disappointed when he turns his attention back to the other and he tries not to focus on that. “Anyway, we have to get you back for your last meal,” he forces out, making a smile tug up his lips. It must look forced because Pope is frowning at him before he suddenly finds himself an arm full of Pope. 

“I’m going to miss you,” Pope says, face pressed into JJ’s neck, breath warm on his skin. JJ can’t help but pull him close, hold him tight. 

“I’ll miss you too, Pope,” he whispers, relishing in one of his last moments with this man he loves. 

Pope pulls back first, a hand on each shoulder. “You can call me any time,” Pope stresses, lets his fingers brush JJ’s jaw as he pulls away completely. 

“I know.” 

It almost sounds like  _ I love you.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated ☺️


End file.
